Tough love does it help or hurt?

This is a true story that happened to me and my 18 year old son just two days ago.  You see I was one of those parents that was way too easy on my children. I was too easy because after all being the one giving the tough love is hard.  Because of my past experience and my great wife’s advice I was convinced that I should look at my son’s computer history.  You see he decided to quite school at 18 instead of following through and graduating  therefore it was his choice to become a man.  For the first month or so I believed every word he said “yea Mom I’m applying online everyday to everywhere I can.”  Two days ago my wife asked me just to check out the history on the computer and see what kind of jobs he’s looking at or if he’s looking at all.

I took my wife’s advice because she does know these kids well and I am way too trusting.  What I found was almost two weeks worth of facebook, youtube, steam, wordpress, and hundreds of other games and videos but not one job hunt.  I got pissed and went straight up to his room, I woke him out of a sound sleep and said we need to talk now!  I first asked him why he hasn’t searched for job’s, his response was “I don’t know” I then told him that HE was the one who decided to drop out of school and become a man not me.  I told him to decide right this second if he wanted to be a man or if I should take him back to school and he said he wanted to work.  I then said “then get your ass out of bed now, NO more games, computer, anything at all until you find a job.  I am pissed that you are taking advantage of me like this and I will not have it.”  He came downstairs about five minutes later and started job hunting,  I gave him a big hug and told him that this is something he may hate me for now but will thank me for later, well about an hour later he puts his shoes on and walks out the door.  Me knowing my son meditates to help him keep his cool I assumed he was trying to calm himself down.  About an hour after that he calls asking me to pick him up that he got a job and started tomorrow.  I picked him up and yes he was still a little pissed but after about five minutes he said “Mom had you not pissed me off and pushed me I may still not have a job, thank you for what you have done and I am no longer mad at you, I am grateful.”

Being a bitch and forcing my son to do what he had to do was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life because I am the kind of person who would rather use honey, however it came to the point where honey was no longer working and I had to get mad.  In the long run it tough my son that he doesn’t need me to get his jobs or give him all the answers, it forced him to figure it out on his own and that is just what he did.  Personally I thought he would hate me for quite sometime for that but in reality he realized it the second he calmed down enough to see what he accomplished on his own.

He had a great first day at work and loved his managers and I did not need to be there holding his hand through it.  All-in-all it made him feel great about himself and me feel great about myself by showed me that he can do it on his own, he didn’t need me for not one thing except the ride home from his two mile walk.  I am going to continue to try this on my other two children and maybe even their father to see if I can help build their self confidence up the way it did with my oldest son.

I am one proud mother of a son with his first job wooo hooo!!!!!!!!

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